Mother's Day

It's kind of a complicated day for many people.  Asha came home from school one day announcing that a number of friends have a step-mom and she was wondering how she would be able to get one.  Uh, kind of an over her head kind of conversation.

I have a birth mom, a mom, a mother-in-law, and a step-mom.  And, oh, I'm a mom too.  I had a conversation with a young mom saying that for her first Mother's Day she was a bit disappointed because her husband had forgotten about her completely as they honoured their mothers at a family BBQ.  I understand where she is coming from; wanting to honour your mother as an adult while still being recognized as a young mother in the middle of child rearing.  A number of years ago, as we began to celebrate on Bolivian Mother's Day a few weeks after the Canadian one, I felt like I had my own day.  I can take the official Canadian Mother's Day to honour my moms, but it still comes with lingering feelings of guilt and sorrow as I reflect on my relationship with my birth mom.

We had a very sensitive sermon at church.  I had suggested in the leadership meeting the week before that if we are giving out flowers, we give to every woman, not just those that are mothers because they gave birth.  It's painful and excludes so many people when we only honour those women.  I remember a work Mother's Day celebration that was horrible.  A co-worker of mine had just had a miscarriage and people knew about it, but weren't sensitive at all.  While they paraded all the mothers to the front to honour them with flowers and a picture, she snuck off to the bathroom sobbing.  I felt so sick and awful inside for her.

Mother's Day isn't always a happy celebration.  I just about was brought to tears when I saw a poster that read, "Healing seminar for women who were abused by their mothers, trying to navigate the painful journey of mothering themselves and now their children,".  Mother's Day is hard for so many people.  Flo did a wonderful job of saying that we need to be sensitive.

There are women who struggle with infertility or have experienced baby loss
There are women who are single and may mourn the loss of not being biological mothers
There are women who are waiting to adopt or have already
There are women who are foster mothers
There are women who are step-moms
There are women whose children have died
There are women whose children are in the eyes of the world, a complete failure
There are women who have broken relationships with their own mother or their children
There are women who are spiritual mentors who may feel like they aren't recognized

It's good to honour, it's good to say thank you, but sometimes I wonder if there could be a more holistic and more inclusive way of doing it.  Mothering is so much broader and maybe it's time we changed our perspective.