Guess Who's 8 Months?

I Am!  It's me, Elena, in case you were wondering.  My mom is better at the typing thing, so I've solicited (yes, I have a brilliant grasp on vocabulary) her to give you an update of what I've been doing this month.  If you want to see the picture in a larger size, just click on it.

I'm a growing girl, but I didn't step on a scale this month.  I know I'm getting close to 18lb and I'm definitely longer than 26 inches because I grew out of my sleepers.  Yes, I'm big.  But not so big that I can't get up in the middle of the night to nurse (sigh from my Mom)  No, I'm still little...

I went to my first wedding, my uncle Nelson got married to pretty auntie Kim.  The dress was a bit hard to crawl in, but I managed.

I prefer what ever is being eaten at the table, though I do enjoy the baby food that Mom has made into those frozen pucks. You wouldn't believe that there are some really interesting flavours of baby cereal.  I now can eat carrots, bananas, avocados, apple juice (which I LOVE to guzzle from my bottle), mangoes, pineapples, prune, yogurt, jello, marshmallows (that was from Grandma) black beans, and cantalope.

I started off entertaining everyone with my spit bubbles, but then added scrunching up my nose when I laugh which gets people squealing ADORABLE every time.  Now I'm pulling myself up to standing against everything, even my Dad's legs.  I can stand up in my playpen and even more impressive, I can lower myself down to sitting again.  Yeah, I'm amazing.

Then I wowed everyone with my ability to climb one of the basement stairs.  One day I got caught there and after 3 minutes of yelling figured it would be easier if I just got myself down.  Now I really have the hang of it and I think I'm almost ready to climb a bunch of them (gasp from my Mom).

I still love sucking on shoes and I'm pretty good and finding bits on the floor to eat.  Outside the ground is covered in these crispy dry leaves that are quite interesting to put in the mouth.  I even suck the bar of soap if I can get into the bathroom, but now even Asha quickly closes the door when I'm around.

My Mom is teaching me how to sign More (Mas) and Milk (Leche).  I clap my hands together and then I get more food or they keep tickling me and it's great!  I don't really try to sign Leche because when Mom asks me, "Quieres Leche?", I just growl and she nurses me.  I don't think I need to wave my hand when growling works just fine.

I got a bit of a cold a few days ago and was pretty snotty.  I HATE getting my nose wiped.  But having snot drip into my mouth feels kind of gross too.

And a few days ago, I felt something kind of weird on my bottom gum.  I run my tongue over something scratchy when I'm saying La La La.  My mom keeps checking my mouth, so I think whatever those things are are pretty important (oh, she just told me they are my bottom teeth).

Well, it's getting late and I'm getting cranky.  I want to go to bed now.  Right now.

Reflections on Re-Entry #3

          I can figure how my surroundings have changed, that's for sure.  But I was finding it difficult to pinpoint how I've changed internally.

One thing I have learned is what it means to be a foreigner and an immigrant.  How even if I have something profound to say, I have no words to express myself so I must smile and be silent, all the while being assumed to be stupid.  There's nothing to describe the feeling of standing in front of the school, holding a notice and having no idea what it says or what I'm supposed to do with it.  Or the helpless feeling of realizing that you can't take your kids to the Dr. by yourself.

I've learned to think first before I shout something in anger.  Ha! by the time I can think of the word, the burning rage is gone!  So I pray that will continue on in my home country where my first language is easily expressed.

I've learned that though life is simpler in many places, things are so so hard.  Like grocery shopping, not so much selection, but what a heavy load to carry home and to wash it with iodine before putting it in the fridge.     That was my experience, but then there were people in the country side who have to walk for miles to get enough water just for the day.  I at least I had running water in my house!  I continue to have deep respect for women, who often are the driving force in the family, in developing countries.

I've also changed in the fact that I have to let things go.  I've been humbled way too many times (I guess I'm a slow learner) in order to learn that sometimes things aren't in my control.

I know that there are some amazing people living their lives on the other side of the globe and I carry them inside my heart.  If for nothing else, they have changed me most profoundly.  Just in how they lived their lives and share theirs with me.

And as I sort all of this and continue to journey forward, I most likely won't stay the same...and there goes again this self-reflective stage where I have to figure out who am I all over again.

Church Family

I've noticed that my deepest connections, my profound emotions attached to community are in my church family.  Those emotions are all triggered by the collective act of singing together.

I remember the winter of 2006, knowing that Carl and I would most likely move on from our pastoral position to continue studying, having emotions pour out of me as I sat singing in the service.  Granted, I was pregnant, but still, I ached to think of leaving my church family.

And in Fresno, I remember singing songs that touched me to my soul; God was speaking to me for sure.  Then later on hearing those songs on the radio I cried because it reminded of what I left behind and I missed being there.

Our first Sunday in Bolivia, we sang a song that we had learned at Braeside years previous.  Joel looked up at me with tear filled eyes and said, "I miss my Braeside family".

Since being back in Canada, Sunday mornings were hard.  We would pull up to another church (different every Sunday because we were visiting or preaching or presenting....) and Asha would cry and say she would miss Yuneth from church; that she wanted to go back to Bolivia to Her Church.

This church family stuff is pretty powerful.

We realized that we need to find a place to fellowship, a place to call home even if our lives right now feel so up in the air.  There's no coincidence when God has you in a certain place at a certain time, because we have experienced so much blessing from our church that we are going to now.

The kids have connections from VBS and school, have family connections (which is HUGE), and are loving Sunday School.  There are so many adult Sunday school choices, I'm just giddy!  And the preaching has been so amazing and the singing has been obviously picked just for me.

The sermon series is on being a Follower of Jesus.  Not just a believer, but an active follower and what that looks like in our world.  I think it's timely that we are hearing that just coming back from an MCC term, trying to figure out how to tangibly live out our faith where we are in light of what we've experienced.

I don't know a lot of people, but it seems they all know us from hearing from my parents.  Countless people came up to us telling us that because of the prayer chain, they had been praying for our time in Bolivia and then towards the end with the whole passport saga.  Wow!

The body of Christ is connected and powerful.  It's a group of mismatched people trying to give glory to God however they can.  It's a community that supports one another, no matter where we're from and where we're going.  It's a place where I can belong, no matter where we call home.

Viva Santa Cruz!

 
                                                                        Since today is Santa Cruz Day, the kids are in their Crucena outfits.  Feliz cumpleanhos, nuestra tierra bella.

Moments

Last week we had a blessed weekend.  Carl had the opportunity to go with his friend to the States for a football / baseball /guys trip.  I stayed home and went with the kids for a sleepover to a dear friend and her kids' home (her husband was also down south).

The next day my family gathered to celebrate the birthdays of my brother and cousin.

So I sat for a moment during the activities of the weekend and thought to myself, "This isn't some quick trip.  Nobody is on vacation; we all live here.  I don't have to quickly get in the visiting because we're leaving.  No one is going anywhere and I can just soak in this moment and anticipate many more to come".

There is something so soul soothing to think about that....

Reflections from Re-entry #2

    Before leaving Bolivia I was looking for the clearly defined path leading to our future.  I was naively hoping that everything would be laid out.  In reality I think we all know that isn't the case, no matter where or how we live our lives.  Sigh.....darn it.

When I read this saying it was scary and intimidating, it made me feel lost and disoriented.  And I have to admit I was angry at thinking someone could have the nerve to articulate the lack of path.  What?!  For pity's sake.....I want the straight road, like the one you have in Saskatchewan.  Making no effort to steer because it's all right in front of me, never changing.

Ach, it can't be that easy or brain numbing.  I actually have to put some effort into it.  Since we've had very unique experiences, my path will most likely look nothing like yours. I can't run blazing into the field, no, I have to be patient and take deliberate steps.  That is just so hard right now.  I just want to run, I don't care the direction, but this slow is killing me. And in fact, there are days where I feel at a stand still.  How can a path be made if I'm not moving, HELLO?  I'm floating, drifting, not feeling like I'm going anywhere.

Not knowing when or where to plant my foot next, but trusting God will guide me in His time.  That's what my brain is saying to my aching heart....

Emotions

Lately I've been feeling like I want to be back in Bolivia.  I miss it terribly and have a dull ache in my chest.  Before it used to be just when I was driving, but now it's when I make supper, when I pick up the kids from the bus stop or go grocery shopping.  It's not because I'm not enjoying life here in Canada.  Maybe because our life is so undefined right now.  Hallelujah!  I have a job subbing and have enjoyed my first day.  But it's not a full time position (don't get me wrong, I'm not pining for a full time job) where you have stability and you know where you'll be day after day.

Carl has a bit of work with the conference and is patiently waiting for The Job, which is still in the beginning stages of applications.

So all this uncertainty surrounds me.

But interestingly enough, it wasn't that I was bemoaning jobs or lack thereof when I was flooded with homesickness.  I was sitting at the gymnastics club waiting for Kezia's class to be finished.

I looked at those families and wondered where they were driving from and what they were going home to.  And then I thought of all those years sitting at Club 7, looking at the families there, wondering where they were driving from and what they were going home to.  I want to be walking back from Club 7, home to my house and living my life in Bolivia.  I want my old life back, well mostly, I don't know sometimes.

The Start of the Activities

This week our kids started their fall activities.  Carl and I debated whether or not to enrol in extra curricular activities since the school day is much longer here.  Would they have the energy?  Would it be too taxing on them, all this new?

Well, we decided it would be a positive thing, since all three were asking when gymnastics/music/swimming started.  So we took their enthusiasm as a go ahead and enrolled them.  It's a bit of a juggling act because everything is on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but we do it because they love it.

Joel is in Music for Young Children (MYC) and LOVES it.  He was thrilled there were 3 other 8 year old boys who play soccer.  Not sure what that had to do with the class, but it has everything to do with his excitement about going every week.  Carl goes with him and it seems like it will be a good time for them together.  Not only does Joel learn keyboard, but theory, rhythm, and vocal.  We think the variety is such a good fit for him.  Because it was a bit sad hearing the same three songs from his last piano lesson in Bolivia being played over and over and over and over and over all summer long.

From the day after we got off the airplane, Kezia wanted to know where the nearest gymnastics club was.  It wasn't a question if we would put Kezia back into gymnastics, but how.  It's a little more pricey on this side of the globe.  With a few sports grants, it may be pretty affordable, for which we are thankful.  We had her assessed at a local club to see if they had something for her and she was placed in a group.  On her first day, she was just grinning from ear to ear, until we got into the building.  She looked around a bit nervously, sat pretty close and was quite quiet.  As it was getting near for her to start her class, she looked at me with teary big eyes, "How will I know which group I'm in?  They aren't calling us by group?".  Oh, it was hard because I knew that as we sat there waiting, she was scoping things out, probably realizing it was a whole lot different than Club 7 in Bolivia.  Poor thing....  But once she was picked up after practice, she told us with smile all over her face that she loved it and can't wait for the next class.

Asha had her very first swimming lesson, ever.  And boy was she thrilled.  I only told her the morning of or else she wouldn't have slept the night before.  She got her stuff ready and was waiting by the van before I even could find my shoes.  It was a little tricky with Elena and all the gear to maneuver through the changing rooms, into the showers (without getting soaked by the showers), and getting lil' Asha on to the deck.  But we did it and she had such a lovely time.  No fear of water, that's for sure.  

As Elena and I were sitting on the side watching Asha, I noticed that the baby and mom class was being held at the same time.  I had briefly thought about enrolling Elena too so that the three of us would be in the water at the same time.  But for another bunch of money I reasoned it would make more sense to have another round of lessons for Asha.  But as I saw all those mommies splashing around with their babies, I kind of wished that I had signed up.  Oh, it would have been so fun to sing corny songs and bob around the pool for 30 minutes with my baby.  When I was getting Asha ready and trying to change Elena's diaper and not get anything wet and keep the stroller from tipping over, I was brought back to reality, "This would be a nightmare if I too was soaking wet and trying to find my clothes in the bag with a wriggling baby and a preschooler.  Whew, so glad it's just Asha!".  And when I talked to the passing moms with their one baby I told myself, That's what they do, but it all changes when you have a few of them.

New Encounters

There are a few thing that our kids have come across that didn't occur to me would be new for them.  Joel has some recollection of these things, but for Asha and even Kezia, many were foreign and new.  For example:

*automatic dishwasher (Why are you putting the dirty dishes in that box?)
*cross walk lights and that cars actually stop for pedestrians
*cigarettes and people smoking
*creamed honey
*signing out books from the library (You mean we can actually take them out of here?!)
*saukraut
*peanut free zones
*mayo in a jar instead of a bag
*lazy boy recliners
*rootbeer
*ice cream in 4L pails
*carseats
*non-fenced in yards
*ketchup chips
*crutches
*hot dogs that aren't blazing pink in colour
*carpet and vaccuum cleaners
*electric stoves
*a washing machine that is inside the house

Joel has been uber pumped about this rootbeer drink so every time we go out, that's what he orders!  Kezia can hardly believe how cheap so much ice cream is!  and Asha can't figure out where the gas tank is on our stove.  Some of the conversations we've had with the kids and their inquiries in public have been interesting, others humourous, a few a bit embarrassing.  Like the time Asha yelled, "Why is that Grandpa have smoke coming out of that stick on his face?"  Uh, how do you graciously and quietly explain smoking while someone is glaring at you?

Reflections from Re-Entry #1

   As promised, I am reflecting on some of the sayings that struck home for me at our re-entry retreat.  I think this saying above was one of the things that hit me the first few days being here in Canada.  I noticed that there were a lot more white people, that I stuck out more, and boy, people were loud.

Our third day here I remember being in the car with the kids while waiting for Carl to get our provincial health insurance.  I couldn't find a parking spot, so I circled the block until Elena was fussing to eat.  I decided to pull into a handicapped/loading zone, put on my blinkers, pull her out of her carseat and feed her there.  Well, within 5 minutes, a lady came by the van screaming at me, cigarette wielding fists in the air, that I was in a handicapped zone without a placard.  That zone was reserved only for her!  I was astonished at how rude she was and that she ignored the fact that there I was breast-feeding a baby.  Yelling and yelling until she was around the corner to find a parking patrol.

I also noticed while in the grocery store, how parents yell at their kids to get back to the cart.  How children scream and  yell and whine at the restaurant.  How people stand about 15 feet from you to yell at you in conversation.

Someone at re-entry (a fellow born in Nigeria, raised in Canada, working for MCC in Winnipeg) said it must be sort of different for those of us who aren't white who went to serve abroad, all the while assumed to be non-north american, only to return home to north america and be assumed to be a foreigner.  I fit in better over there, especially when our family went to Brazil, than we do here in Canada.

At least when we do something "non-north american" people will hopefully be gracious and might even assume we're foreigners!  Well, people are all so different and when I look around closer, it's really not that white here.....

Grape Harvest

It's just as sweet as mandarin or mango harvest in Bolivia, not only in the fruit, but the experience.  Thank you God for providing that for us here.

First Day of Canadian School

This week was the first week for our kids at school here in Canada.  Joel is in grade 3 and Kezia in grade 2.  They weren't too nervous to go as we took the time to take them by the school the week before.  We met their teachers and the kids had a chance to show them what they had been doing in Bolivia.  It doesn't look like there will be any deficits, even in English reading.

We went shopping for school supplies, packed our bags, set out our clothes (Kezia wanted to do it the day before, right after lunch) and talked a lot about the new things we would encounter.  I know that I was more nervous about it than they were.

In the morning, I  made a special breakfast and even served the milk in wine glasses for something funny.  Carl took them to the bus stop and off they went with 30 other kids, leaving mothers at the curb, snapping pictures and trying not to tear up.

Their first day went quite well.  They both made some friends and were able to figure out how things are at school.  Joel didn't even mention that the day seemed SO LONG as this was his biggest concern about starting school in Canada, since in Bolivia it was 7:30 -12:30 instead of 9-3:30.  It's going to be a good year for them, we can already tell.

And while Joel and Kezia were at school, Asha, Elena and I were at home.  Doing what?  Find out soon....

Wedding Day

We just love weddings, especially between two wonderful people.  Carl's youngest brother, Nelson, got married to Kimberly, now affectionately called Auntie Kim.  It was a beautiful wedding and the reception meal was amazing.  My friend in Bolivia made our dresses and Joel had a Bolivian tailored vest and pants for the event.  Though there was no official dancing at the reception, Asha grabbed her cousin and danced anyways, "because you always dance at a party".  And the kids took the camera around to get some pretty interesting candid shots of all the family and friends.  Sigh....such a happy beautiful event.....we're so happy for you Kim and Nelson.

Bio Week

This past week was kind of momentous week in my life.  Well, it didn't seem like it at the time, but as I reflect, I guess it was.

We visited my biological dad and his wife and met my half siblings on a Friday.
Then the following Thursday we had lunch with my biological mom.

I've always known about my biological mother since I lived with her until I was a pre-teen.  I was put into foster care and my foster parents then became my forever parents now.  But I just found out about my biological dad two years ago and met him about 11 months ago when him and his wife came to visit us in Bolivia.

I look at them and myself and ponder the fact that my features (like my chubby nose and my high cheek bones) come from them.  I look at my children with those same features like their curly hair or dark eyes and it strikes me how biology and phenotype and genotype goes from one generation to the next.

Before I knew about my bio dad, I came to the conclusion that my family line would start with me.  When the kids asked me where their curly hair came from or in Joel's words, "Where did the brown come from?", the best I could answer would be, "From me".  I didn't know anything farther back.

But now I know and now I can trace myself and my children back to people from Guyana and Suriname, to add to the biological family already from Germany.

The whole concept of family I think has deepened as well.  I have biological roots and I have parents who raised me.  I consider myself so blessed that I can stand in both definitions of family.  Not without saying, it's complicated.

We don't have a healthy dynamic relationship with my biological mother.  I'm still 12 years old in her eyes and she doesn't understand the life choices Carl and I have made.  We do lunch once a year so she can see the kids.  And we are just starting on the relationship journey with my biological dad and his family, which is new and uncharted.

I must say though, it's pretty powerful to sit and look across a room to many people who share the same heritage as you.  And then take home your children and know that they share The Brown too.  This connection, this tie.

This will be interesting....