I'm not sure what I was expecting from the retreat nor what I would begin to process during the time. What we did get right from the get-go was great food, great lodging, amazing caregivers for our kids and insightful sessions. There was a life coach, a resume/interview workshop, and counselors. This year's group was the largest August group to date since it included not only services workers from MCC, but EMM, VMM and MMN (if I remember all those M organizations right...).
It was so life giving to talk with people who were in a similar situation as us. In their 30's, feeling out of sorts, no job, and living with Mom and Dad. Some people didn't even have a car, or were living with some pretty miserable in-laws. Gosh, so we weren't so bad off as I thought. We had a car and were living in a lovely arrangement in the basement. Others shared that they felt they jumped into life too quickly. Everything was lined up before they even got off the plane and wished they would have had more time to adjust before being thrown into "real" life. Parents shared insights on how to help the kids transition and I read a very interesting book, Third Culture Kids, which not only illuminated things happening right now (So that's why I bawled my eyes out last week when I couldn't find my picture list) but also where I realized Carl is a Adult TCK (from living in Bolivia) and I'm an Domestic TCK (from living on a reserve and a conservative Mennonite town, all still within Canada). Maybe it's no wonder we ended up overseas.
Carl shared during the weekend that the last few weeks in Bolivia he just shut down. Shut off his emotions and hunkered down to the task of leaving. I on the other hand wept all the time and felt like everything was falling apart. So the retreat met us at different places. I needed to have something to take me forward and Carl needed to process what was left behind. Although I still have my share of processing too...
Joel talked with his kids group about having his heart in two pieces. One piece was still in Bolivia and one part was transplanted here in Canada. That was the first time he talked so openly about how he felt. Kezia shared when she thought about Bolivia she had a dull ache in her heart coupled with a big smile on her face from being in Canada.
And Asha, well, she did less talking, but she demonstrated something very powerful to me.
She became quite attached to one of her caregivers, 17 year old Mary Ona. Mary Ona was a TCK too, plus had hair exactly like Asha's. Asha was always having meals with her, talked about her, followed her around. On Saturday night, Asha asked me if she would ever see Mary Ona again and I told her after tomorrow we were leaving to go to Lancaster and probably wouldn't see her after that. Asha was very quiet and then asked me if we could take a picture of her and Mary Ona as a memory. The next day Asha could hardly wait to take a picture with Mary Ona. After lunch and after the picture, the time came to say goodbye. She embraced Mary Ona and said thank you and kissed her. As Mary Ona walked away and Asha was hunched on the seat with her face in her hands, she quickly looked up and yelled to Mary Ona, "I Love YOU!". Oh, it was so priceless that it brought tears to my eyes.
Asha from all her years of experiences has learned that significant people come into our lives only for a time. And when you are about to say goodbye, you need to take a picture and tell them how you feel or else you might never have the chance to every do that again. The next morning the first words out of Asha's mouth were, "I think I really love Mary Ona".
There were sayings on the wall of our meeting room that really struck a chord with me, so from time to time, I will post them and reflect on them. Because what was started at the re-entry retreat is far from over...
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