This is Really What They Meant

Months before our departure from Bolivia, MCC gives us a booklet outlining the whole exiting from your assignment, entering into North American life and the transition.  It's a very thorough and helpful package of information.  While reading it I kept coming back to this idea of transition and formulating my own understanding of what that might mean.

Well, I just assume when they are talking about transition it could be a matter of days, weeks, or months.  It could be talking about your physical state, your emotional state, and a bit of your financial state.  It's a nice lofty word that we can throw around whenever someone asks how we are doing.  "Oh yes, we're in transition"

The kids are melting down, "Oh yes, we're in transition"
We don't have a house, "Oh yes, we're in transition"
We can't find jobs, "Oh yes, we're in transition"
We keep mumbling about Bolivia, "Oh yes, we're in transition"
We can't figure out how to use the debit chip thing, "Oh yes, we're in transition"

I think now we are becoming more keenly aware of what MCC was talking about when they are talking about transition.  Because even though Carl has had a job interview with a church, he still doesn't have a job.  Now I'm hitting the pavement for employment and more concerned about our mental state at not having something meaningful to do in fall rather than our financial state.  Bumming around for a few months does something to a person....and I'm also wondering about breastfeeding....

Trying to make decisions about where we are going to live.  I think we've narrowed it down to the town but we haven't figured out if we stay where we are now with family or find our own place.  Our family wants to support us and and so we think about that in light of where we will live.  We don't want to be mooches, but also not too proud to accept help.  Are we able to make healthy decisions right now or are we still reeling from all the change?  What to do?

And quite frankly most days I don't feel like making any kind of decision.  I'm finding it hard just to keep my little basement suite tidy and the kids happy and entertained.  I feel bad because I would love to sit on the grass and read a book while the baby coos on the blanket, take the kids to the splash park, or maybe call up a friend and talk on the phone, anything normal, but I'm tired.  If I go for a nap, it'll all fade away... all these big people decisions and responsibilities.

But another part of transition MCC talks about, the sweeter side, is about people walking alongside you as you try and navigate your way back into your home culture.  Last week I went shopping with my good friend Jennifer.  We have always enjoyed shopping together and I totally trust her judgement with fashion, so it's not like what we did was abnormal.  But I was keenly aware of how this time was different.  She was really helping me.  She asked over and over if there was anything else I needed.  And we started off at the thrift store before heading to the mall, "See if we can find good deals here first".  Like she was thinking about all those aspects of transition, the financial situation, the shock of the mall, that I'm totally accustomed to buying used clothing. This is just one of the examples of the many people who have walked with us in a tangible way.  The groceries in the cupboard by our family, the hand-me-downs for the kids (and even me!) from friends and family, the little gifts just because people saw it in the store 8 months ago and they thought of us.....

So today I might not have a job and I'm trying not to cry at all the things we have to decide, but I have a few clothes to wear that didn't cost me financially and emotionally to obtain.  And I have beautiful people in my life that are willing to walk alongside me as I try and figure this all out again and for the first time.