Dance Girl

Asha had her first dance recital this weekend and she was absolutely in her glory.  She has definitely expressed her preferences in the dance genre, the faster and more physically demanding the better!  Her class did a ballet/hip hop smash up, which she loved.  We were so proud of how the dance group did.  Asha really enjoys the stage and it shows.  All those t.v. appearances and daycare presentations have made an impact.  *Smile*  And after it all, Carl gave her flowers to congratulate her on a job well done.

Cross roads

I feel like I'm at a cross roads in my life.  There are different paths all laid out before me and the conveyor belt of life keeps moving me towards the intersection and at some point I will hop on to one of the paths.  But which one?  A couple of months ago I noticed that I was in a constant state of low-panic.  Wondering what should I do with all these choices?!  How will this all work out?!  What happens if I make the wrong decision?!  What if all of this is based on my selfish wants and has nothing to do with what I'm supposed to do?!  I was completely consumed with what could happen in the future that I completely missed an entire month.  I can't recall what I did!  Every few weeks, something else crops up, another option and another path to travel on, another thing that has the potential to de-rail me.  Oh I have lost sleep.

Then I've been reading in my devotionals over the last while and have been humbled as God has not only given me the peace in my situation, but words to ground me.  And ironically on the day that I re-read this daily devotion, another cross-road was laid in front of me....

"You are on the path of my choosing.  There is no randomness about your life.  Here and Now comprise the coordinates of your daily life.  Most people let their moments slip through their fingers, half-lived.  They avoid the present by worrying about the future or longing for a better time and place.  They forget that they are creatures who are subject to the limitations of time and space.  They forget their Creator, who walks with them only in the present.

Every moment is alive with My glorious Presence, to those whose hearts are intimately connected with Mine.  As you give yourself more and more to a life of constant communion with Me, you will find that you simply have no time for worry.  Thus, you are freed to let My Spirit direct your steps, enabling you to walk along the Path of Peace."

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?  Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Luke 12:25-26

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength"
-Corrie ten Boom

Words from Her

"I want to brush my teef wif whoos-paste"
"Where's my cell-phone?"
"Candy makes me happy.  I need some"
"Asha did it"
"I didn't"
"Don't know, just don't know"
"SCREEN TIME!!!!"
"I'm a girl!"
"Layna Loos, that's me"
"I love purple!"
"Make my hair please"
"I need my gocks, my gocks, oh my purple gocks!"
"Let's do a bathhhhhh......"
"MIA!"
"I do it"
"Can I walk barefoot?"
"Alsame por favour"
"Can I watch a program?"

Give, but give until it hurts.

-Mother Teresa

I have been volunteering for the last number of months at a home for young mothers.  I got connected through Carl's aunt who works there and they needed someone to come to do some translating for a young gal.  I go every Tuesday morning and I take the girls with me.  Sometimes they can be with their great-auntie in the sewing room, or other times they sit with me while I work with the young gal who is a recent immigrant.  We often work on her English homework, but other times we talk about how baby is doing, how she is doing, and life in general.

My daughters are definitely being impacted by being there.  I have had good conversations with Asha about how it takes many people to help raise a baby.  Kezia asked just last week, "Can you have a baby without a husband?"  I was a bit at a loss at how to answer because we haven't explained that whole topic to her just quite yet.  But Asha responded from the back, "Sure you can, but you just need a lot of other women to help you,".

I also am keenly aware that when I go with my two girls in tow, the young moms watch me as I interact with them.  Oh, how my parenting was on centre stage when Elena was shrieking how she would climb the stairs all by herself.  They were all watching to see what I would do and how I would respond to my child.  One gal asked me if I had bee a client there years ago and that's why I came back to help.  I told her I hadn't, but I really enjoy coming.  It has definitely shaped me and helped remind me that my world is more than just me and my immediate family.

I am blessed by going, but it also breaks my heart.  I often am overwhelmed with sadness because I feel powerless to change all the situations around me.  I remember from my book I read in my class that early intervention and support is what parents need to be able to raise their children in a healthy way.  I think what the home is doing is saving the world, one family at a time but it isn't easy.  Our society does not value women, especially marginalized women nor does the world value children.  These young gals have to struggle against societal stigma as single moms, struggle to make ends meet, struggle to study, struggle to sleep and eat and often they do it alone with only a dysfunctional past to draw on from experience.  But I know from my life that one person can make a lifetime of difference to another human being.  Each teacher and social worker and volunteer in that place make an enormously positive impact on the young lives.  And there are many other wonderful places like this one and this one also working towards healing for babies and their mamas.

So amidst the hardship and the brokenness, there is light, hope, restoration, and love and it's humbling to be a part of that.

Mother's Day

It's kind of a complicated day for many people.  Asha came home from school one day announcing that a number of friends have a step-mom and she was wondering how she would be able to get one.  Uh, kind of an over her head kind of conversation.

I have a birth mom, a mom, a mother-in-law, and a step-mom.  And, oh, I'm a mom too.  I had a conversation with a young mom saying that for her first Mother's Day she was a bit disappointed because her husband had forgotten about her completely as they honoured their mothers at a family BBQ.  I understand where she is coming from; wanting to honour your mother as an adult while still being recognized as a young mother in the middle of child rearing.  A number of years ago, as we began to celebrate on Bolivian Mother's Day a few weeks after the Canadian one, I felt like I had my own day.  I can take the official Canadian Mother's Day to honour my moms, but it still comes with lingering feelings of guilt and sorrow as I reflect on my relationship with my birth mom.

We had a very sensitive sermon at church.  I had suggested in the leadership meeting the week before that if we are giving out flowers, we give to every woman, not just those that are mothers because they gave birth.  It's painful and excludes so many people when we only honour those women.  I remember a work Mother's Day celebration that was horrible.  A co-worker of mine had just had a miscarriage and people knew about it, but weren't sensitive at all.  While they paraded all the mothers to the front to honour them with flowers and a picture, she snuck off to the bathroom sobbing.  I felt so sick and awful inside for her.

Mother's Day isn't always a happy celebration.  I just about was brought to tears when I saw a poster that read, "Healing seminar for women who were abused by their mothers, trying to navigate the painful journey of mothering themselves and now their children,".  Mother's Day is hard for so many people.  Flo did a wonderful job of saying that we need to be sensitive.

There are women who struggle with infertility or have experienced baby loss
There are women who are single and may mourn the loss of not being biological mothers
There are women who are waiting to adopt or have already
There are women who are foster mothers
There are women who are step-moms
There are women whose children have died
There are women whose children are in the eyes of the world, a complete failure
There are women who have broken relationships with their own mother or their children
There are women who are spiritual mentors who may feel like they aren't recognized

It's good to honour, it's good to say thank you, but sometimes I wonder if there could be a more holistic and more inclusive way of doing it.  Mothering is so much broader and maybe it's time we changed our perspective.

Mother's Day Pictures

Sorry for the lack of posts lately.  There's been lots mulling in my head, so while I get my thoughts sorted, you can enjoy some pictures of last weekend.  We went to my parents' place and were joined by my grandparents and Auntie Susan.  My brother did the grilling and we all enjoyed the food and time together.

Birthday Me

On Thursday I had my birthday and it was quite a lovely birthday.  The kids were whispering around behind my back and giggling, and the snow was slowly melting off our yard.  I have a pet peeve about snow in May.    It used to be an obsession, now it's just a small bother.  On my 19th birthday, I took a hair dryer to my grandparents' farm yard and melted the snow off the front lawn.  That would explain the horribly high utility bill that month, sorry Grandma.....

This year however, I wasn't erked by the snow on the ground and not feeling sorry for myself as I inch closer and closer to another decade.  Technically I'm only half way to 40, but Carl mentions that those last 5 years go by in a blur.  I think he's trying to scare me.  But I feel great and if this is what 35 feels like, bring it on!

My dear neighbour offered to watch the little girls at the community centre playgroup while I went and did something all by myself, during the day.  Gasp!  I was so thrilled.  I went and got my nails done and ended up having a great jolly conversation with the gal about local housing prices and Old Colony Mennonites in Paraguay.  And my heart was full at having a neighbour that would be so kind.  The girls and I had a simple lunch and then once I dropped Asha off to school and put Elena down for a nap, I went and relaxed on my bed for the entire afternoon.

We went out for dinner and the kids just about squealed with excitement to give me my presents.  I got a lot of shirts from my favourite clothing store, matching bracelets for earrings, a new purse and a mini muffin pan that Joel whispered, "will be perfect for making those mini-muffins that taste like donuts,".  Off we headed for home to enjoy the birthday cake made by my amazing neighbour.  It was heavenly!

Sigh, a lovely lovely day, even with a dusting of snow still on the ground, I'm thankful for all that I have.  I'm glad to be 35 and can't wait to see what this year will have in store for me.  Already it's turning out to be an interesting year......