20 years

That's how long ago I was put into foster care and my life was forever changed.  I was one of the fortunate ones in the system that didn't bounce from home to home.  When I think back at how it all came about I am left feeling quite emotional.  There could have been so many outcomes had people made different decisions.

What would have happened if no call was made on my behalf?  Or if instead of having a social worker assigned to my case who felt strongly I should stay in the community, I was sent 8 hours south to a group home?  What if that young couple, barely married two years with no children, would have felt it too much to take in a teenager?  Oh, how different my life could have been.

I wonder how I would have turned out in a group home.  I wonder what kind of person I would have grown up into without having a stable family.  I wonder if I would have ever gone to college and gotten a job.  I wonder if I would have ever learned how to relate in a healthy way to people.

I remembering sitting at the diner with the social worker on the night of my apprehension, with nothing but my  school backpack and the clothes on my back and he said, "No telling what God has planned for you kid,".  Sometimes I wish I could track him down and tell him how things turned out, thanks in part to him and a number of key people in my life.

Perry talks about how a number of factors are involved that determine if and how a child can heal from childhood trauma.  Genes, and timing of abuse, definitely the environment around them, but most importantly having a connection to healthy adults and being able to build safe relationships.  The last one was a critical in my case because I can't tell what kind of genes I have, and I still struggle to understand of the impact of my environment, but I do know that if it wasn't for certain people in my life, I would have turned out very differently.

My parents made a big decision to say yes and take me in.  It wasn't like they had a lot of time to discuss it, but when they became aware of a need the answer was immediately Yes.  Sure, it was hard and though I'd like to think I was a model teenager, I know I caused stress in their lives.  Yet they looked at it as many opportunities to teach me about unconditional love, teach me about healthy relationships and family.  They were the ones who gave me a stability and hope for a functional future and that didn't stop when I graduated and moved out of the foster care system.

When they said yes, they meant for a lifetime.  Now, I have a husband and four children, an enormous extended family and more blessings than I can ever recount.

Thank you for saying Yes.