First Hockey Game

Joel has been asking for a while to see a real live hockey game.  Since tickets are pretty scarce, we didn't think we'd be able to get two tickets.  But thanks to Carl's good friend Ryan, they were able to get three tickets for a game.  Joel was besides himself the whole day and when they came back late that evening he was beaming.  The game was pretty exciting and the Jets actually won.  It's kind of a Canadian staple going to a hockey game so it was a special thing that Joel could experience it.

Girl Weekend

The only possible way to have a weekend away is to have a husband willing and able to be at home with the rest of the kids.  So for that, I am blessed and thankful for Carl.  He had three kids (two were sick) at home while Kezia and I ventured off for her first out of province gymnastics competition.  I was nervous about leaving Elena, since this was the first time I was away from her, but I knew that Carl is a capable dad and she would be fine.  Because if I can be fine alone with kids for days while he's gone, well so can he.

It was a great weekend away with Kezia.  We re-connected with some friends and family, which was just lovely.  The weekend was pretty jammed packed and on competition day, I was extremely nervous for Kezia.  One of the other moms said at breakfast her daughter woke up in the morning and immediately burst into tears she was so anxious.  Kezia didn't even mention she was scared and I panicked that I hadn't actually prepared her for what she was about to experience.  All the people, the cameras, the noise and the commotion and if she had a meltdown it would be my fault.  So I casually mentioned to her that this competition was pretty big and she just nodded over her cereal.  Well, she remained pretty calm and I was really proud of how she did, as this was the first time she was competing at this level.  Kezia brought home a ribbon in her beloved vault and ranked in the top half of her category in beam, bars, and floor.  She even got an autograph from Kyle Shewfelt!

I was a bit emotional throughout the weekend.  I was reminiscing on my own childhood and the trips I remember taking when I was 8 years old.  I got choked up going into the restaurant with her and sleeping in the cozy hotel room, watching her have a great time with friends in the pool.  I don't think she had a clue how much this meant to me, except for the fact she was having some special one on one time with her mom.  It was a special weekend away with her, my oldest daughter.

Burger Themed Birthday Party

Did I mention that Joel loves burgers?  I decided that for his friends party this last weekend I would do a diner burger theme.  My friend Laura had brought hats back from a burger joint in California (which Joel later told me was his all time favourite in CA) and I decided to incorporate them into the best 10 year old party ever.  No high maintenance games or activities, just greasy and sugary food, all dedicated to the theme of burger.  Poutine and root beer floats for lunch, which got rave reviews and a hamburger cake for dessert. I was pretty tickled pink that it turned out so well.  Nothing like cutting it close with 15 minutes before the party whipping up a batch of fondant.  Well, it was worth it because Joel loved it.  Already I've got another birthday girl requesting a cake in the shape of a fast food item.  Can I do it?  Wait and see.....

20 years

That's how long ago I was put into foster care and my life was forever changed.  I was one of the fortunate ones in the system that didn't bounce from home to home.  When I think back at how it all came about I am left feeling quite emotional.  There could have been so many outcomes had people made different decisions.

What would have happened if no call was made on my behalf?  Or if instead of having a social worker assigned to my case who felt strongly I should stay in the community, I was sent 8 hours south to a group home?  What if that young couple, barely married two years with no children, would have felt it too much to take in a teenager?  Oh, how different my life could have been.

I wonder how I would have turned out in a group home.  I wonder what kind of person I would have grown up into without having a stable family.  I wonder if I would have ever gone to college and gotten a job.  I wonder if I would have ever learned how to relate in a healthy way to people.

I remembering sitting at the diner with the social worker on the night of my apprehension, with nothing but my  school backpack and the clothes on my back and he said, "No telling what God has planned for you kid,".  Sometimes I wish I could track him down and tell him how things turned out, thanks in part to him and a number of key people in my life.

Perry talks about how a number of factors are involved that determine if and how a child can heal from childhood trauma.  Genes, and timing of abuse, definitely the environment around them, but most importantly having a connection to healthy adults and being able to build safe relationships.  The last one was a critical in my case because I can't tell what kind of genes I have, and I still struggle to understand of the impact of my environment, but I do know that if it wasn't for certain people in my life, I would have turned out very differently.

My parents made a big decision to say yes and take me in.  It wasn't like they had a lot of time to discuss it, but when they became aware of a need the answer was immediately Yes.  Sure, it was hard and though I'd like to think I was a model teenager, I know I caused stress in their lives.  Yet they looked at it as many opportunities to teach me about unconditional love, teach me about healthy relationships and family.  They were the ones who gave me a stability and hope for a functional future and that didn't stop when I graduated and moved out of the foster care system.

When they said yes, they meant for a lifetime.  Now, I have a husband and four children, an enormous extended family and more blessings than I can ever recount.

Thank you for saying Yes.

Gymnastics Girl

I never thought that when Nati took us down to Club 7 on that hot November afternoon in 2008 that Kezia would still be doing gymnastics.  We had figured it would be a summer activity and then be done, but she fell in love with the sport.  Over the years she has gained not only physical skills, most of which I cannot even imagine doing, but in the last while, she has really matured and grown emotionally.  For that, I'm extremely proud.  Sure, I'd love to see her go far in the sport, but the main focus has to be that it brings her joy and it doesn't consume our family.   We want it to be a part of our lives, not the total of it.

This year was her first year being old enough to compete in Canada.  Her first experience was here in Bolivia.   Kezia was so excited and nervous but determined to show the judges how hard she has worked.  In her first competition, she took 1st in vault, 4th in beam and 5th overall.  The second competition was a few weeks later and she achieved 3rd in vault, beam, and bars, 2nd in floor and 2nd overall.  It was amazing to see her and her team mates interact during the competition; cheering each other on, giving a hug when one was upset, wiping away tears, giving high fives when someone stuck her routine.  That is what creates healthy athletes.  Kezia is thrilled that she has three more competitions before the end of the year.  She's hoping to add a few more coloured ribbons and medals to her stash!  We're very thankful for the opportunity she has to do something that she loves and gives her the opportunity to grow.

Festival!

Though winter isn't my favourite season, I was excited about being able to go to Festival du Voyageur with my family.  The weather was balmy the day that we were able to go.  The kids were amazed at the ice sculptures and so was I.  I took a ton of pictures of them.  Sad to think that when the warmer weather comes they just melt away....

We enjoyed sledding down the ice slide.  Even Elena tried it with her scaredy cat mom and loved it.  Poor gal was devastated when we had to drag her away.  Thankfully there were other really cool activities and things for her to see so the tears didn't last long.  We toured our way through the cabins where the actors showed us furs, played music for us, and even forged a tool in the fire.  Later on we ate some pretty delicious food while listening to French Canadian music.  Afterwards we just had to make maple syrup candy on the snow.  Someone asked us if we were going to let the little one eat ALL that candy off the stick.  Uh, maybe we should have rethought that....ach, it was tasty and it was the weekend!

If I could spend all of winter doing this, I think it wouldn't be such a hardship.

Few Words

As we're making our way downstairs for afternoon snack, she gives me a huge hug and says,

"Mama?  I love you so so much,".

At that instant, no matter what is going on, I am reminded of what's really important and how blessed I am.