Final Days

The last week or so in Winnipeg went by in a blur. One thing I was glad for was that we had moved out of our house and so we were able to focus on spending time with friends and family before we left instead of packing, cleaning or even making food.

The last few days we were in our house were spent going to the splash park with Kaia and Hadley, having Audrey and Birdena come over and bring KFC, and celebrating my grandparents' 50th anniversary. We figured that amongst all the errands we needed to have some fun time too.

Once we moved out of our house, we spent three days with Carl's parents, a day with Judy in the city, and the last three days with my parents.

While at Carl's parents, the kids enjoyed being in the garden with Grandma, playing with Grandpa, and having a corn roast at the farm. Joel and Kezia and I went to visit Grandma at the preschool where she works and got to play with some of the cool toys. One day Joel and Kezia took a picnic lunch with Grandpa at the farm and ate their sandwhiches high in the treehouse. The kids also enjoyed their sleepovers. Carl and I spent the night out at the cabin and left the kids with their grandparents, which was so nice and relaxing. And Joel had his sleepover at his Uncle Wendell and Auntie Shana's place. He was pretty thrilled.

I got a phone call on Saturday morning from my friend Jenny saying that she wouldn't be able to be in church the next day; she had had her baby. Mara was born 2 weeks early and I just broke down and cried. I couldn't believe it! I was so disappointed that I wouldn't be around for her first baby, but I resigned myself to accept that that is part of life and part of letting go. But Mara wanted to come early so that I could meet her. That was so special. We went that evening to the city, dropped the kids off with Judy and met beautiful Mara. I was on cloud nine.

Afterwards, we headed to Tim and Danae's for a games night; our last hurrah for a while. It was loads of fun and part of me just wanted to keep playing, but midnight was approaching and I knew the next few days would be long.

I glanced at the clock and did the mental calculation of how many hours we had left. Arg, why do I do that?

Our last Sunday at church was emotional, but I was surprised how well we all handled the goodbyes. Joel got an upset stomach, I think from the anxiety of saying farewell to so many people he loves. I remember someone once saying to me that a short goodbye is the best goodbye, and so that's what we did. It's easier that way instead of prolonging the agony.

We hopped back into the car and headed to my parents' place for our final extended family gathering. It was great to spend time with my aunts and uncles and cousins. The food was amazing as usual coming out of my mom's kitchen and we had a meaningful prayer time after the meal. Crazy me, I start taking pictures around 9:30 at night hoping the kids will be able to put on a decent face despite the hour. I managed to get some memorable pictures.

It was hard to say goodbye to my grandparents and aunts and uncles. Maybe this goodbye thing isn't as easy as I thought it would be. I started to feel heavy in my chest (no pun intended folks, even if it does lighten the mood!)

Monday I went for breakfast with Andrea and Matilda and we chatted about anything and everything. It had been a while since we had all been together and it wasn't long before we had eaten up 2 hours of time.

Okay, so the goodbyes started getting a bit more difficult at this point. Now I really don't like this and I'm starting to have this ugly lump in my chest all the time.

That afternoon, Derek and Laura and Luke came over. We had tea and goodies in the basement while the kids played upstairs with my brothers. We chit chatted a bit, I think all of us were dreading what was coming. Soon, Derek would look at Laura and whisper, "We should go," and then Kathy would get that lump in her chest again, our eyes would all well up with tears and we'd try not to look at each other. Brother, I've done this too many times in the last few hours.

But we had to say goodbye. I squeezed Luke's thighs one last time (because he probably won't appreciate my squeeze when he's 3) and cried into Laura's shoulders. I waved as they drove down the driveway and tried to dry my tears.

I think I realized that it's harder for those staying behind to say goodbye. They have life go on as usual, except for the void of us in their lives. The closer our relationship, the greater the void. But for us, being plunked into a new surrounding and life, we have a lot to adjust to before we start noticing that our friends and family aren't around. We're too busy being overwhelmed with adaptation. So I ached in my heart for those that we're leaving behind.

And then Tuesday was our last day. Boy, what a day. We drove to Dan and Jenny and baby Mara's place so that our kids could meet the new baby. Joel cried part of the way there and announced that he didn't want to see the baby. When we got there, Kezia wanted to hold the baby right away, but Joel held back. It wasn't until Dan told him that it was okay if he was feeling weird about saying goodbye, that Joel teared up, nodded, and then came over to hold Mara. He just needed to be reassured that these weird feelings were normal. And after, it was hard to pry him away from the baby.

I felt bad for Jenny because she just had a baby and now on top of that, we came over to say goodbye. What an emotional rollercoaster I was taking her on. But we had to say farewell, and there was no easy way around it. We just kept focusing on the fact that God brough Mara at a perfect time and that we were able to experience part of that blessing before we left.

At this point, we all should have had a nap. We were all emotionally exhausted and the lump in my chest was just getting heavier.

Carl's parents came over for supper to my parents' place and we ate and chatted until about 7. My mom said it was too bad that we didn't get a picture of her sunroom over the last few days; piled with 10 large suitcases and 8 carry-ons, belongings strewn all over....that would have made a great picture, kind of a representation of my life. But now everything was neatly packed and carefully weighed and stacked in the garage, waiting to be loaded in the van in 12 short hours.

Wendell and Shana came over for a bit; they were coming over to say goodbye and I felt sick the moment they arrived. We tried to chit chat, the kids sat on their lap and had stories read one last time. Then Wendell gave Shana the look, the same one Derek gave Laura, and I immediately started to cry. And to make things worse, I could hardly breath because the lump had grown. That's what happens when you see your kids cry as they have to say goodbye to their auntie and uncle.

I'm really hating this now. I thought it would be easy, but it only gets more and more hard. We visited a bit with my parents a bit before we headed to bed. I could hardly sleep and I kept looking at the clock, 8 hours before we leave....5 hours before we leave.....2 hours before we leave. The clock kept ticking....