It's April and it's hard to believe that 3 years ago we were starting our journey to come to Bolivia. Time has flown....
They are right in saying the last part of your term goes by really fast. Why is that? Because life is less of a shock? You're having a better time? Your life is in more of a groove?
I'm having a hard time thinking about ending this chapter in my life and starting another one. I admit that I'm not that fond of change. At each stage where it is on the horizon, I feel like burying my head into the sand. I go through a time where I deny that it's coming, then as it looms closer I go through an angry stage because I have to deal with something different. All I know is that I feel like I'm being uprooted from all that is comfortable in exchange for who knows what. Does anyone ever look forward to that?
It's not that I'm resistant to things changing because everything about life here has been so perfect and I don't want the dream to be spoiled. No, life has definitely had it's challenges, especially with our job assignment here.
There are some amazing things here that I know we will have to let go of. Friends, church, the kids' school, the food, the smells, yes, even the gross ones. As we let go of things here, we have the opportunity to embrace new things there; like to be reunited with family and friends.
At the present, I'm okay with not knowing the future, but a few months ago it really bothered me. I was anxious about not having all the ducks lined up in a row. It's the organizer Type A control freak in me. I'm okay now because I'm making the decision to trust. God has never let us flounder, He has always kept His hand on us. For our own sanity, He also doesn't reveal everything in the future.
Even without all the answers, I'm assured of two things; God takes care of us and this life we are living now will morph into something very different. Somewhere I read this, "For a caterpillar, it's death. For God, it's a butterfly".
Joel asked me the other day why we couldn't just stay. Sigh....if it could only be that easy and simple. So many factors that an 8 year old isn't aware of that his mother can't make sense of either. He sobbed about how could he live anywhere else when this is all he remembers? Trying to speak to his heart, even though mine was heavy, I explained to him that God brought us here for a time and that time is coming to a close. God has another phase for our family where He will bring about blessings and joy. He will always take care of us because He's faithful. But in the meantime, it's okay to mourn the fact that things will change.
Hey Kathy, it's okay to mourn the fact that things will change.
4 comments:
"Hey Kathy, it's ok to mourn the fact that things will change"...
True that. Thanks for posting about your heavy heart. I remember moving when I was young and how difficult it was. I appreciate that as a mother you don't dismiss the difficulty for your children or not address it honestly because it's difficult. I love how you explained it to your son. I think that will go a long way both in helping him mourn the loss and in having faith for the future. When I was young I needed words like the ones you used that were open to the pain of moving so the way that you expressed it was really beautiful.
I hear you girl! I hate change. And I hear Joel. The last thing I wanted when I was his age was to move across the world to Africa, and it turned out to be two of the best years of my life. And when those two years were over, the last thing I wanted to do was move back to the US. There is mourning to be done. And like you said, it's ok. Thanks for sharing.
ooo...i hear ya. thinking about you. xoxox praying for you too.
beautiful said. you have given him experiences of 'normal for him' that my kids may never comprehend.change is often hard to fathom and understand especially as a child with many unknowns. Thankfully, we have an amazing Father guiding, preparing and leading us to our destination.
I love you and i'll be praying for all of you during this state of thinking of the BIG move and the actually moving!
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