The Challenge

The last few months haven't and have been challenging for me. What has been challenging is not having much to challenge me. Does that make sense? And I'm not talking about parenthood, because whoo! every day seems to be a new puzzle to figure out. We're definitely earning our money in the parent department. Thanks to my kids for always keeping me on my toes!

I'm talking about my job. Some days, I stop, brainstorm, ponder, inquire, think, decide, plan, proceed, and evaluate. But those days are far and few between, and I'm beginning to realize that I'm a person that constantly needs to face something that will require more of me. I need something that I have to chew on, where the answer doesn't come easily and there is more than one way of completing the task. I need something that also gives me life, and doesn't drain it with monotony.

With the changes to our job in the last few months, I feel less and less stimulated. I think I can safely say that Carl has days like that too. Sometimes I feel under-utilized, some days I wonder if I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, because it requires little more than consciousness to do some of the tasks that I do. At times, I really miss teaching, I miss Church Council, I miss playing for worship team.

So a few weeks ago, when I was feeling pretty low about it all, I was struck with the idea that if I need a challenge, if I need something to feed my Me, then I need to find that thing.

I knew that our church didn't have a piano player for the worship teams, so I approached one of the leaders and asked if I could play. She was THRILLED, handed me a book and asked me if I could come next Saturday at 2. Feeling a little nervous, I showed up and tried to plug myself in to the already existing team. Well, it's been 7 weeks, and I think that I have plugged in. My Spanish has improved, and I feel like there's a connection with the group, it's a place where I belong.

The ladies bible study where I attend didn't have any music arranged because Jackie isn't coming back to Bolivia until January. They expressed a need for some people to help out with music. So the long and the short of it is, I volunteered to help, and between myself and two other ladies, take turns leading the music.

So where does all this music stuff take me now? Well, I have been reminded that the thing that feeds my Me is in bringing something for others. Filling a need and using my gifts. It was hard at first to learn the solfège scale with the team at church, and it was extremely intimidating to go up and sing and play piano at the same time, all while trying to lead a group of ladies.

But I wanted to do something, I wanted to bring something to people, I wanted to feel like I could contribute and bless. Because to be honest, sometimes I feel like there is nothing I do that someone else couldn't do just as easily. I felt like I wasn't able to offer anything uniquely me.

A bigger lesson I think I've gotten out of this whole situation, is that sometimes God has us in situations where we have to look for the challenge, look for the need, and step out and make ourselves available. I think so often, we expect it to fall right into our laps. I certainly did. I figured that challenges and areas of ministry would just come clammering at my door, be right in the centre of my work, would be so obvious to me. Well, that wasn't and isn't the case.

I think I did find my challenge in all of my so-called monotony. As soon as I find myself in a seemingly non-stretching situation, therein lies the challenge. To seek out what else God might have in store. Or seek out what God wants to teach me. To find out where God might have me be used in a less obvious place.

And just a side-note: I absolutely love playing the piano and singing in my two avenues. To play with a group of talented musicians on Sundays, seeking to offer their gifts as praise to God, all in Spanish, is amazing. Then to put together music to lead a woman's group of servant leaders a few days later, in English, has blessed my soul.