Our 2 year anniversary in Bolivia has come and gone and although last year I did a video post on the actual day, this year I was a bit tired. The day came and I did ponder the last year, but didn't do a video. Two reasons (and I'm going to number them as Carl predicts and expects....!)
1) I was tired and didn't have my thoughts clear enough to express myself
2) I had a huge patch of tissue burn from blowing my nose that made me look like a burn victim
So I postponed the post and then finalized decided that I would write instead. Yes, yes, I hear the sigh of disappointment from those of you hoping for a video post. Don't worry, my burn patch is almost gone and you know me, a little tired doesn't stop me from being chatty.
Alright, let's settle in and re-cap the year......
Last year's theme was change, and boy was it a year of change. I didn't pinpoint a theme word for this year, but that's okay. Maybe after reading this post, you can tell me if you sense a particular word to sum it up.
Our second year here in Bolivia started off a bit rocky. Maybe it was that I was terribly homesick (furthermore, where was home?), or that the hurts that I had experienced over the previous months finally overwhelmed me and bubbled out. Whatever the case, it wasn't a rosy time. I didn't blog about it because I couldn't put it into words and really, do we have to post everything to the world? Probably not. Anyways, I had to pull myself together because we were preparing for our first ever orientation with
Andy and Cassie. Oh, and to complicate things even more, my biological mother came to visit. Hmmmm...... not surprising that things were a bit rough for a few weeks.
Well, the orientation went well and we were blessed by getting to know Andy and Cassie during the orientation. God knows what you need when you need it.
October came and went (seriously, except for
Thanksgiving and Carl's
birthday, that month always disappears from my consciousness) and then November was the end of school for Joel and Kezia. The kids had switched rooms and my baby was in a big girl bed. November also marked our first
friend visitors. And then after that we had lots of
family come for Christmas, which was a real blessing.
January, how can I forget
BRAZIL! It was such a memorable experience. I don't know, that place really touched something deep inside of me. I still dream of living there, sigh.....
February, the kids started
school and all three were attending classes. We decided that Asha would do much better in a daycare, and she has blossomed into something amazing in that environment. In the next few days, I promise to post a video of her t.v. appearance. It was her third time and boy did she capture the audience! Both Joel and Kezia had awesome starts with great teachers, and we have to say that one of this year's big blessings is how well our kids are doing in school. Part of me hopes that the next school they go to will be just as good a fit for them.
March brought two big things, our enormous
book sale and my
new job at Centro Menno. Both brought such joy because (yes Carl, here I go numbering again....)
1) sorting and organization
2) organizing files
3) organizing papers
4) keeping subscriptions organized
Now my new once a week job has turned into an almost half time position. It's been really rewarding to be in a place where I'm needed and things move at a pace where you are expected to keep up. I love the challenge. And yet, it'll be nice to pass on most of the responsibility to the new SALTer that will be starting work in the next few weeks. I have a feeling that in the next few months, we will be occupied.
I also started hanging out with some other parents from the school. It was great to connect with people outside of MCC, to work on my Spanish, and just to have some friends. We get together for coffee or lunch a few times a month, and it has been such a blessing. They have totally enriched my life.
Okay, and then came April and BANG! I was hit violently in the head with a two-by-four. Knocked flat on my back and left for a long while figuring out what the heck happened! Okay, I didn't literally get hit, it's a metaphor in case you were really worried. The last time I was
hit like this, it didn't hurt as deep, but it sure made me think for a long while.
It seemed like the last time God grabbed my attention, I had to learn that I am not defined by the things that I do, or my role in society, but that I have an identity in Him, regardless of my job. That was hard to accept. Hard to realize that teacher didn't make me anymore valuable in His eyes than puked on stay-at-home mom.
Well, this next lesson has been harder. Here is
a quote that I shared when I was in the middle of it. And that time I decided not to blog about it, because I didn't have words to describe that carved out raw feeling that paralyzes you to the core. There's nothing left when you are like that. No job, no group of friends, no degrees, no recognitions, no position in an organization, no gifts, no abilities....nothing but you raw and exposed and God.
Out of that over the last few months while I turned another
year, we celebrated another amazing year of
marriage,
World Cup and our
special announcement, and my
family visiting, the lessons and the self-reflection continues.
I realized that some of the hurts that I experienced last September and my joy at being in Brasil and feeling challenged in my new job all spoke to one thing that I feel has been lacking this year.
The absence of being known.
I feel at times that people see me and maybe glance at what I can do, but that doesn't mean that they know my NAME. The name that God has placed on me, the name that transcends past what I do, my gifts and talents (which is why I had to get hit so hard in April to realize that). But I long for that. I wish that instead of being a wall flower that I could be truly known. I do have people in my life that know me, but they aren't involved in my day to day life here and now. I have experienced such blessing and joy to have someone in my life that truly knows who I am and calls to me to rise up to what God wants me to be.
I want to be known and to be called upon to be more than just a lump on a rock or a cog in a machine. I want to make a difference. I want to be used where my body and my mind and my heart hurt, not just have sore feet at the end of the day and an empty soft mind. Do I dare say that I want to struggle
alongside with people serving God? To wrestle with what it means to be a follower manifesting Jesus to the world?
I think about being here for one more year, I get teary eyed about how quickly time flies and how the kids will miss their school and their friends terribly and how we probably won't have achachairu at the grocery store in Canada and how the kids don't know what Pepsi is, and how I'm going to miss my friends and miss my church and that snow and 40 below zero sucks and how I miss my family and just want to go shopping in A Children's Place with my mini-van......
The time is winding down folks, but I have a feeling there's still lots that God has in store for us in the next year.
